Seriously, Why?

Why do accidents happen? Is there some “cosmic” reason that I haven't heard and that's why everything's in disarray? Or was there an announcement that I didn't get to hear since I was sound asleep in bed?

Why do we meet people? Why do I? Why do I even bother?

Why do I surf the internet? Why am I so voracious for information? Why am I curious?

Why did I go on-line and sign up at fling.com? Why did I meet people? Why did I make friends?

Why did I connect with Carl? Why did I get close to him? Why did I continue conversing with him about pretty much everything?

Why did I keep on going back for more at fling? What made me so “powerful” that I was clicking and just adding total strangers as friends?

Why did they approve? Why did they talk to me? Why were they interested? Was it primarily because I tickled their fancy?

Why or how did Carl catch my attention? Why did I allow him to enter my life? Why did I bring down my ever-so-sturdy wall for him?

Why do people hurt other people? What allows them to take advantage of you?

What could be the main reason not to show up in a place that could forever change a person's life?

Is it right to just disappear?

Is it right to make someone laugh so hard then make them cry?

The world is such a mystery. It's a f*ckin' enigma.

I guess I'm tired of feeling that's why I made a blog of the questions that have been brooding my mind.

It's because I'm human. Just like everybody else. I think that's the reason and anyone who knows me is familiar with the fact that no one can damn mess with what I think or my mind.

But that's the thing... I let Carl do it to me. Why did I allow it to happen?

No idea.

All my nerves are gone, I think.

I'm just tired.

Tired of thinking that I'm worthy of loving, living and getting all that back.

Here's to excruciating pain...

Bottoms up!

Cheers.